Wish Kids were born with an instruction manual

Wouldn’t all the mothers out there agree with this? We evolve and grow as mothers, we learn with time how to deal with problems and situations, wouldn’t it be great if we could do it right the first time?

I have never been able to figure out the right approach. Combined with this are the pressures from all these so called physiatrists, for you never know 10 yrs down the line they’ll relate my by then adult Child’s mental state to how he was brought up or treated as a child. OMG!! I do not want be held responsible for how my children deal with situations when they grow up!!

My current trauma is related to a situation my younger son is facing in his class. A typical “Bully in the class” issue, who is not willing to include my son in his “GANG”, a strong word for an 8 year old don’t you think?? As a mother I am left with two choices, not to interfere and let him learn to deal with his own problems or to interfere and follow a course less known to me. I choose the initial, not because it’s the best but because it is the easiest. I just gave him a little gyan about being strong and letting go of people who do not wish to be his friends.

To my disappointment the problem does not disappear, it only grows and stares me in my face. If only it could vanish in thin air!! What to do I wondered, How do men handle such situations? With many unanswered questions I retire to bed, only to wake up at 4am with unruly memories of my childhood. Isolation was known to me. As a child I had faced it many times. Ridicule was my friendly demon…it rarely left me in my childhood. I was a fairly easy target…an Indian in a British Colonial School in Africa. To top it up was my accent, my nicely oiled braids, my lunch time “Muli Ka Paratha” and my hairy legs. With little support system at home I was left to deal with it myself. I had a tough time getting accepted but I figured my way out. For sure I had to get rid of all my Indianness in fact sometimes I had to go a step further to prove my so called Westerness. Unable to get any sleep I finally woke up with a resolve to help my son.

Now the biggest challenge lay ahead, How to help this child? Should I talk to the teacher, should I talk to the “bully”, or should I talk to his mother? At 5 in the morning I had only one option, to write to the teacher. With help from my husband we pinned down the sternest letter we could. It read more like a threat than parents requesting for teachers intervention. Well it did it’s work. The teacher summoned the little one in question and threatened them with dire consequences. Even his mother was called in, I can only imagine what was told to her. Honestly, I was quite embarrassed with the attention this incident drew and the way it was handled. But being a mother the joy of seeing my son happy far superseded any feelings of guilt.

I don’t know if this was the right thing to do or not or how this incident will impact his behavior. Will he become strong or weak, dependent or independent only time will tell…that’s why I say “I wish children were born with a guide book”